He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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