WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you had me at cake vodka
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize