I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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