I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
