You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
