ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
