I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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