P.S. I can't hear my feet
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
