We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
