you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
