I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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