Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wish my penis had a tongue
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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