Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
