As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
