I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
