I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
