Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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