You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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