i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
