it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
