Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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