I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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