My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have feelings that need drinking.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
