He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
