from now on my penis is your penis
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
