You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
