Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
