Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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