Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
