i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
