Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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