When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
