How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize