I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
