It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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