I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
