Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i drank out of a bidet.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
