chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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