hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize