I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Please, let me fuck your mom
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize