Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
