I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
