I hope mine doesn't look like that
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
