U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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