I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
