I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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