Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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