i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
