i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
being pregnant is like rehab
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
