I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
