Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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