life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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