so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
