Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
