Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize