so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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