the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
