Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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