so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
