you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
