K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
