I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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