how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
