Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
