I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
