Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
