see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize