i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
