Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
