Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
