How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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