I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
