so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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