therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
