I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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