For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
