Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
