Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
