let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i will never coherently bang her
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
