Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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