im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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