Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
