I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize