community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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