Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
