If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
