Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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