Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
