I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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