Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize