i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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