How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
