If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
