what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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