My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
