omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
