woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
