im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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