Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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