What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
